I know not what came out today through the 'pen'… something I
know not who was writing… me or who??? I may laugh tomorrow for what I wrote
today... as I only heard the inside of me and saw only my thumb moving on the
keypad of my mobile phone... here it is...
I
sat today on the river side under the dark sky. There was neither any friend
nor a star to accompany me. I crossed my arms as I felt cold. It was not for
the weather but the cold inside me. My heart was eager to question my identity
what chapter of life it is. I feel in it like I am losing my ability or at
times I am growing. I feel like a child whose toy has been snatched by an
adult. I feel no solace in the room of my house. Is it a curse of the walls or
the books around me? I feel like a boatman whose boat is holed and water
sinking the boat. I become positive at occasions as if I am the change maker in
the world and at moments negative feeling that I am not sufficiently expert to
control my mind. Is it that my mentors don’t inspire me anymore or teachers
underrate me? I feel myself surrounded by the multiple thoughts of who I am
becoming and who I had intended to become. I feel myself losing the strength. I
am seeing the light falling on the dark river flowing in front of my eyes
giggling at me. I know not what will become of me when I fall down or rise up.
I see people and places of different thoughts, why don’t their opinions
resemble with me. Immediate decisions are coming out, perhaps as a result of
extreme nuisance. I feel every small thing in the world talking to me. Sharing
their tales and making me witness to that. I wander in the unknown vale with them. A
thought asking for my existence in the universe and another of the meager
concern like the tablet one should take for severe headache. I feel my words
failing and the nib of the pen broken… I feel my heart crying now; my identity
losing; my self alone; my eyes weary ; my hands paining ; my limbs stopping; my
heart sleeping; my world artificial. I wish my heart yell out and ask my
creator to have his hand over his tired, irritated and ungrateful servant now…
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